Sherwin Stern vs Coronavirus at WrestleMania
I was on the brink of death! I had inoperable terminal cancer all over my entire body. Tubes were coming out of me every which way. I even had a tube lodged up my anus. My breath was faint and I knew I was living out my final days. I wanted to spend the rest of the little time I had in this world relaxing. All I wanted to do was chill, watch TV and play videogames. But then things went completely downhill!
A full tumor wrapped around my entire brain. I went into a vegetative state and my mind was a bunch of mush. It was even worse than being in a normal comma - my mouth was hanging off my face sideways and slobbering droll was coming from my tongue while my eyes had rolled into the back of my head. My skin went pale and I looked like a zombie. My hair was wasn't groomed at all: it went completely white and looked very thin and flaky. My face was so wrinkly that a person only had to look at it for a tenth of a second to feel extremely ill. A chunk of my nose had fallen off and left a disgusting hole filled with boogers. There was horrendous B.O that emanated from my unwashed armpits, and I've been told that many of the nurses puked when they got too close to me. I was also producing a liquidly diarrhea that absolutely stunk to high heaven. Things were not looking good.
My brain activity was down to almost nothing, but I could still faintly hear people talking in the background. Most of what I heard was boring gibberish, and I didn't care one bit about what people were kibitzing about. But three days ago I started hearing some horrendous news. There's a son of a bitch going around who is making everybody scared shitless! This bastard has already caused the demise of many people, and numerous souls have succumbed to this fiend! Everybody is so terrified that they're staying inside their homes and not coming out unless absolutely necessary. The stock market has dropped to its lowest point since 1987, and we soon may go into another great depression. Many businesses have had to lay off their employees, and people are struggling to just survive. There isn't even any toilet paper to go around! Life has been completely put on hold because of a dastardly evil demon named Coronavirus.
The NHL, NBA, and MLB have postponed their seasons out of fear that Corona is going to get people if they congregate in one place. This brings my piss to a boil! But then there was the shot heard around the damn world: WWE WrestleMania is no longer going to held at Reymond James Stadium with a crowd of 80,000 people! The venue has changed: now it's going to be held at the Performance Center in front of absolutely nobody. No disrespect to the Performance Center - it's an excellent training facility for up-and-coming wrestlers who want to be WWE stars one day. But the fact of the matter is it's just a glorified gym not worthy of hosting an event this grand. WrestleMania is supposed to be a larger than life event filled with pageantry and wonder. The Performance Center with no crowd is the exact opposite. This nonsense isn't even fit for an indy show. I'm absolutely sick!
When I heard what was going on, I immediately gained full consciousness and ripped out all of the tubes. I screamed a primordial high-pitched shriek that was so loud it could be heard for three hundred miles. I started hulking up and felt all the cancer going away. Chakra was oozing from my fingertips. I gazed in every direction and extreme anger radiating from every fiber of my being. I was more powerful than Might Guy when he opens the eighth gate. All of the doctors, nurses and hospital staff had their eyes wide open and were in absolute shock. Sherwin Stern was completely cured!
With great power comes great responsibility. I knew I was healed because I was chosen to defeat that bastard Corona! I'm the only one who has any chance of bringing him down a peg.
So I'm laying down the challenge right now: I want to face Coronavirus at WrestleMania in a loser leaves the world match. Whoever loses will leave this world and never come back. Also, the loser must literally kiss the ass of the winner before he goes away.
Coronavirus, WATCHA GONNA DO WHEN SHERWIN STERN COMES FOR YOU!
A full tumor wrapped around my entire brain. I went into a vegetative state and my mind was a bunch of mush. It was even worse than being in a normal comma - my mouth was hanging off my face sideways and slobbering droll was coming from my tongue while my eyes had rolled into the back of my head. My skin went pale and I looked like a zombie. My hair was wasn't groomed at all: it went completely white and looked very thin and flaky. My face was so wrinkly that a person only had to look at it for a tenth of a second to feel extremely ill. A chunk of my nose had fallen off and left a disgusting hole filled with boogers. There was horrendous B.O that emanated from my unwashed armpits, and I've been told that many of the nurses puked when they got too close to me. I was also producing a liquidly diarrhea that absolutely stunk to high heaven. Things were not looking good.
My brain activity was down to almost nothing, but I could still faintly hear people talking in the background. Most of what I heard was boring gibberish, and I didn't care one bit about what people were kibitzing about. But three days ago I started hearing some horrendous news. There's a son of a bitch going around who is making everybody scared shitless! This bastard has already caused the demise of many people, and numerous souls have succumbed to this fiend! Everybody is so terrified that they're staying inside their homes and not coming out unless absolutely necessary. The stock market has dropped to its lowest point since 1987, and we soon may go into another great depression. Many businesses have had to lay off their employees, and people are struggling to just survive. There isn't even any toilet paper to go around! Life has been completely put on hold because of a dastardly evil demon named Coronavirus.
The NHL, NBA, and MLB have postponed their seasons out of fear that Corona is going to get people if they congregate in one place. This brings my piss to a boil! But then there was the shot heard around the damn world: WWE WrestleMania is no longer going to held at Reymond James Stadium with a crowd of 80,000 people! The venue has changed: now it's going to be held at the Performance Center in front of absolutely nobody. No disrespect to the Performance Center - it's an excellent training facility for up-and-coming wrestlers who want to be WWE stars one day. But the fact of the matter is it's just a glorified gym not worthy of hosting an event this grand. WrestleMania is supposed to be a larger than life event filled with pageantry and wonder. The Performance Center with no crowd is the exact opposite. This nonsense isn't even fit for an indy show. I'm absolutely sick!
When I heard what was going on, I immediately gained full consciousness and ripped out all of the tubes. I screamed a primordial high-pitched shriek that was so loud it could be heard for three hundred miles. I started hulking up and felt all the cancer going away. Chakra was oozing from my fingertips. I gazed in every direction and extreme anger radiating from every fiber of my being. I was more powerful than Might Guy when he opens the eighth gate. All of the doctors, nurses and hospital staff had their eyes wide open and were in absolute shock. Sherwin Stern was completely cured!
With great power comes great responsibility. I knew I was healed because I was chosen to defeat that bastard Corona! I'm the only one who has any chance of bringing him down a peg.
So I'm laying down the challenge right now: I want to face Coronavirus at WrestleMania in a loser leaves the world match. Whoever loses will leave this world and never come back. Also, the loser must literally kiss the ass of the winner before he goes away.
Coronavirus, WATCHA GONNA DO WHEN SHERWIN STERN COMES FOR YOU!
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