Spongebob — The Forgotten Diet Dr. Kelp

 The greatest moment in cartoon history, in my opinion, was when Spongebob and Squidward delivered the very first Krusty Krab Pizza. After going through hell and high water to get the pizza to the guy's house, Spongebob shook his ass gleefully and said, "I can't wait to see the look on the customer's face!"

Spongebob rang the doorbell cheerfully, and the customer, who was some species of fish, immediately answered. Spongebob triumphantly announced that his Krusty Krab Pizza had finally arrived. The fish's mouth started to salivate with delightful anticipation, and he said, "Thanks, I've been dying for one of these!" 

But then suddenly the fish's happy face turned into a frown. "Where's my drink?" He inquired. 

"What drink?" Spongebob asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

The customer got irritated, and his blood pressure started to rise. "MY DRINK! MY DIET DR. KELP! DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT MY DRINK!" 

Spongebob immediately took out the notepad the order had been written on, and he stammered, "But... you didn't... order any drink." 

Spongebob's eyes started to well up with tears as he noticed the fish was getting extremely angry. Spongebob always wanted the customer to be happy, and whether or not the patron was right, he couldn't bear it if they weren't satisfied.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS WITHOUT MY DRINK!" The fish screamed, completely enraged. "DIDN'T YOU EVER ONCE THINK OF THE CUSTOMER! YOU CALL YOURSELF A DELIVERY BOY! WELL, I AIN'T BUYING!" And he rudely slammed the door in Spongebob's face.

Spongebob walked back to the boulder that he and Squidward had driven to get to the customer's house, and his face contorted with painful devastation. He fell to the ground and started to wail, as he knew he had let the customer down. He miserably cried, water streaming out of his eyes. And then his sponge body absorbed all the water on the ground, and he cried again and again - going through multiple cycles of this.

Squidward tried to comfort Spongebob, but his effort was futile. Even though Squidward was constantly irritated by Spongebob, he cared about him, and couldn't stand to see the little guy so upset. Squidward knew that Spongebob a good person, and anybody who yelled at Spongebob was a huge jerk. 

Squidward picked up the pizza and stomped back to the fish's house. He banged on the door. The fish answered and said, "Not another one! I already told your little friend that I ain't paying for that!" 

Squidward emphatically said, "Well, this one's on the house!" And in one swift motion he slammed the pizza into the customer's face! 

*Author's Note*: I believe that Squidward actually shoved the pizza up the customer's ass, but because it's a show made primarily for kids, the writers couldn't directly show that he did that. The writing staff had to make it a more "family-friendly" thing where Squidward shoved the pizza into the customer's face. However, as we all know, many cartoons in the past would discreetly put in adult material. I believe this was one of those times. But I acknowledge that it's up for debate, since there is no direct evidence for this. 

When I originally watched this scene, I hated the fish customer, and I cheered when Squidward stood up for Spongebob. However, as the years have passed, and I've personally experienced terrible customer service staff getting my order wrong in restaurants, diners, and fast-food joints, I've actually started to sympathize a little bit with the fish customer. 

When I think about this particular Spongebob episode, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out who was in the right. I guess the first question that must be asked is: Did the customer actually order a drink?

This is extremely difficult to answer. The episode starts at the Krusty Krab, with the customer ordering his meal over the phone. The customer's voice, when speaking on the phone, sounds like gibberish, and we (the audience) can't truly understand what he's saying. We have to rely on Mr. Krabs, who is verbally repeating back the order, to know what the customer ordered. 

So, did Mr. Krabs get the order wrong? 

I believe he did. 

I believe that when Mr. Krabs heard that the customer wanted pizza, he started to think about how he could make a cheap pie very quickly. You see, the Krusty Krab was not a place that served pizza. But as we all know, Mr. Krabs never let's an opportunity to make money slip by, and he wasn't going to let the fact that his establishment wasn't a pizzeria stop him from delivering a pizza and earning cash. 

I think Mr. Krabs wasn't fully paying attention to the customer - instead his mind was on how he was going to whip up a pizza. He was thinking that he could take the cheese that was normally used on Krabby Patties, and make it vaguely resemble mozzarella. He was thinking that he would use the Krabby Patty meat, and make it vaguely resemble pepperoni. He was thinking that he would use the Krabby Patty bread, and make it vaguely resemble pizza crust. 

He stopped listening to the customer, and didn't hear the full order. In fact, when Mr. Krabs hangs up, the customer is still talking, so we definitely know there is something that Mr. Krabs missed. 

Now, the customer might've just been saying, "Thank you!" But I don't think the customer was just expressing his gratitude. I believe it was at this point that the customer was ordering his drink. Mr. Krabs hastily wrote down the order without putting down the Diet Dr. Kelp. 

This was the fatal miscommunication - and it was all caused by Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs quickly whipped up the Krusty Krab Pizza from Krabby Patty ingredients, and ordered Spongebob and Squidward to deliver it to the customer. 

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Another aspect that the customer would've been justified in being irate about was how long it took Spongebob and Squidward to deliver the pizza. The customer's house was just around the corner from the Krusty Krab, but it took Spongebob and Squidward all night to get the pizza to him. Squidward was tired from working all day, and he didn't feel like driving. He reclined back in the passenger's seat and told Spongbob to drive the boat to the customer's house. 

Spongebob told Squidward that he didn't have his driver's license yet. Squidward assured Spongebob that it would be very easy. Spongebob initially thought he could do it, but he started to sweat profusely, and in his mind the stick shift lettering looked like a foreign language. Squidward got very impatient with Spongebob, and he screamed, "BACK IT UP!"   

Spongebob got extremely nervous, and he floored the boat in reverse! Squidward tried to take control of the wheel, but he couldn't pry it loose from Spongebob. The boat kept backing up until it completely ran out of gas. Spongebob and Squidward were stuck in the middle of nowhere, and they had no mode of transportation to get them back to Bikini Bottom.  

Spongebob and Squidward had to go through hell to get back. They had to fight off near starvation, extreme exhaustion (not even "The Krusty Krab Pizza Song" could keep them energized), heat stroke, sore feet and various other volatile hazards and weather conditions - such as a huge truck almost running over Spongebob, and a tornado that completely engulfed both Spongebob and Squidward. Finally, Spongebob sees a huge rock and says that the pioneers would drive rocks. 

Spongebob climbed aboard the rock, and to Squidward's amazement he was able to drive it (how he was able to smoothly drive a big rock, but had so much trouble driving a boat was never made clear). 

They get to the customer's house the next morning - many hours after the customer had ordered his food. I'm not going to hold the length of time it took Spongebob and Squidward to get the pizza to the customer's house against them - for one main reason:  The customer expressed absolutely no anger at the fact that it took all night for the pizza to get to him. Since the customer wasn't upset about this, I don't think it was ultimately a big deal. 

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There is another thing that the customer would've been justified in being irate about - but because he never actually took the pizza - he never had the chance to get angry about this particular thing. It's the fact that the pizza was never cooked! 

Mr. Krabs never bothered to warm up the pizza. I know Mr. Krabs doesn't own an authentic brick oven for cooking pizzas, but he could've at least had Spongebob find a way to warm it up. Mr. Krabs was content with serving raw pizza! 

On the journey back to Bikini Bottom, Spongebob even remarks that the pizza was getting cold, but the fact is: THE PIZZA WAS NEVER EVEN COOKED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

If the customer had accepted the pizza and then discovered it was not cooked, he would've rightfully been very upset. But I don't think we can ultimately hold this against Mr. Krabs, Spongebob and Squidward, because the customer never accepted the pizza.

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The fish customer could also legally sue Squidward for assault against him. Does he have Saul Goodman's number? Better Call Saul!  

We were never told if the fish took legal action against Squidward. 

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To wrap this all up, I still believe the fish was a huge jerk. He was probably one of those obnoxious meatheads who always screams and yells for trivial reasons. However, this doesn't change the fact that Mr. Krabs, Spongebob and Squidward delivered horrible customer service. The Krusty Krab is an absolutely filthy place that should be condemned and shut down for good. All of the characters in this episode were huge jackasses!

*Author's note*:  I find it hilarious that the fish customer got so angry over not getting his drink, but he didn't seem to care that it took all night to deliver the pizza; nor did he get angry over the fact that the pizza was raw (I guess he never technically accepted the pizza). 

This is absolutely my favorite episode in the history of all cartoons. It's absolutely hilarious, and it has enough depth to be analyzed and debated. 

I want to know your opinion: Did the Krusty Krab crew deliver horrible service? Was the fish customer a huge jerk? Or are both of these things correct?

Tell me what you think!