I Shit in my Pants at Dave and Busters
This past month hasn't been one of my best. Usually I'm very suave and debonair, but lately I've been acting like a schlub. I stupidly for the past little while was accidentally not using shampoo in my hair. When I was showering I was using the conditioner bottle for my hair (without even realizing it wasn't shampoo). It was a real face palm moment! My hair looked like an absolute mop! It was very greasy, tangled in knots and just plain disgusting. My cowlick was sticking up and I couldn't get it to go down. It's no wonder why all of the girls with huge tits who are usually all over me have been repulsed by me recently. I must've stunk to high heaven! Thankfully I realized my error and got myself some real first-class salon approved shampoo. But not washing my hair properly wasn't the worst thing that happened to me this month. A few days ago something truly horrific occurred. I might never live this down. I'll be truly ashamed of this for the rest of my life. I shit in my pants at Dave and Busters!
You see, this past Wednesday I was hanging out with some of my friends. It was supposed to be a day of laughs and thrills, not a day of poop. They picked me up we went over to the nearest Costco to try out free samples. I stuffed myself with some hideous spicy pork, a few moldy graham crackers, a piece of foul fish, a cup of wretched noodles, and a bunch of other disgusting stuff at that dump. By the time we left my stomach was upset and I was farting like a maniac. I stunk up the whole car on the way to the real place we had planned to eat at for lunch, Benihana restaurant. It's that Japanese cuisine place where they cook the food right in front of you. I ordered the spicy chicken and New York steak as my main entrees. I watched in total awe with some drool running down my mouth like a total retard as the chef masterfully clanked his cooking utensils together to start the show. I started to clap but he raised his left hand up to silence me - the show had only begun and he didn't want to receive his ovation just yet. He twirled some bowls and gave everybody their salad with some secret Asian sauce on top to add a just a hint of extra flavor. I gobbled it down and I heard my stomach rumbling again but I was determined to eat my entire meal. He then poured everybody their rice. My steaming brown rice surely contributed to the steaming brown thing that was later to come out in my underwear.
You see, this past Wednesday I was hanging out with some of my friends. It was supposed to be a day of laughs and thrills, not a day of poop. They picked me up we went over to the nearest Costco to try out free samples. I stuffed myself with some hideous spicy pork, a few moldy graham crackers, a piece of foul fish, a cup of wretched noodles, and a bunch of other disgusting stuff at that dump. By the time we left my stomach was upset and I was farting like a maniac. I stunk up the whole car on the way to the real place we had planned to eat at for lunch, Benihana restaurant. It's that Japanese cuisine place where they cook the food right in front of you. I ordered the spicy chicken and New York steak as my main entrees. I watched in total awe with some drool running down my mouth like a total retard as the chef masterfully clanked his cooking utensils together to start the show. I started to clap but he raised his left hand up to silence me - the show had only begun and he didn't want to receive his ovation just yet. He twirled some bowls and gave everybody their salad with some secret Asian sauce on top to add a just a hint of extra flavor. I gobbled it down and I heard my stomach rumbling again but I was determined to eat my entire meal. He then poured everybody their rice. My steaming brown rice surely contributed to the steaming brown thing that was later to come out in my underwear.
For the entrees, the waiter, without any error, flipped the meats on the grill and we watched wide-eyed as he put on a delightful show for us. He poured us multiple sauces that we could dip our meats in and then he left gracefully to allow us to enjoy our meal and converse in peace. I chowed down on the extra spicy chicken. I actually forgot to tell him I only wanted it a little spicy, and my poor throat immediately burned from the flaming peppers. I took a long sip of my Pepsi and after flatulating loudly nine times in a row I started on the New York steak. It was quite delicious and I dipped every piece in all of the sauces which added even more zang and tang to it.
By the time I was done I slumped over in my chair like some kind of drunk and my stomach was hurting real bad. I belched a thunderous burp and I felt the acid reflex in my throat. I moaned and felt like a pregnant woman in her third trimester. I had no gripes against the food - everything was absolutely delicious, the chef did a magnificent job, but I knew I had overeaten and I might be in some serious trouble!
A few minutes later my friends and I traversed to Dave and Busters, the giant arcade for adults. We had planned to win a bunch of tickets and get ourselves a lava lamp, an iwatch, and maybe even an ipad. On the way there my farts were silent but extremely deadly and I was stinking up the whole car. I saw my friends wrinkle their nose in disgust. They waved their hands in front of their nose to waft away the smell, but when that didn't work they just held their nose the rest of the way. I tried to blame the smell on a sewage leakage nearby but they knew the horrendous stench was coming from me.
We immediately went over to the prize table to see how many tickets we would need to get. As I looked up at the cool lava lamp I felt a peculiar kind of fart escaping me. I immediately knew this fart was trouble. It was the kind of fart where you almost feel something coming out and you kind of have to force whatever wants to come out back. I grimaced as I heard my stomach bubbling even more. I quickly mumbled to my friends that I had to go to the bathroom. I raced there, pushing all of the slow pokes out of my way. I kicked open the only unoccupied stall - apparently lots of people ate too much of the Benihana spicy chicken - and I looked down in dismay to find that the previous tenant had not flushed the toilet! A huge hunk of shit swimming in piss was staring right back at me! I quickly flushed the toilet and hastily put on the toilet seat cover to ensure I wouldn't pick up any diseases from this wretched seat. As soon as my ass hit the seat I heard the unmistakable sound of shit spluttering all over the place. You know what I'm talking about! It's the sound your ass makes when diarrhea shit quickly shoots out of you. That sound is just as famous as the dial-up internet annoying static noise from the mid 90s and early 2000s. I sighed in relief but as I looked down I saw to my absolute horror that their were many droplets of shit liquid in my underwear. YUCK! Apparently when I was farting earlier, shit in liquid form was escaping into my underwear. It was absolutely disgusting. I was horrified and I started to panic! I yelled "Oh Jesus! Why now on today of all days!? God Damn it!" I got another surprise when I saw that some shit had actually gotten into my pants. It was an absolute nightmare. With the little amount of toilet paper that they provided I tried to wipe myself, but the toilet paper was so thin that I got a lot of my own feces on my fingers. I threw away my underwear and washed my hands thoroughly with plenty of soap and hot water. I actually used up all of the soap that was in that particular dispenser. But I couldn't throw away my pants because I wouldn't have anything to wear, so that basically meant I was going to have to lather in my own caca for the rest of the day. I told my friends what had happened and they burst out laughing which also made me laugh. I then realized that I didn't even flush the toilet, so the next unfortunate schmoe who walked into that stall was going to get a very big surprise. We laughed out loud even more and then played some games. As I was playing that Space Invaders Game (that's all crazy and looks likes it on steroids) I felt another rumble in my stomach and I had to rush back to the bathroom. Luckily this time it all made it into the bowl. But the God Damn toilet paper was once again so thin that I got a bunch of poop on my fingers. I thoroughly washed my hands again and went back to the games. I had to shit again while playing the basketball game and while playing the game where you throw a ball into those tins with the impossibly small openings. We didn't win the prizes we were seeking and we walked away defeated and full of shit.
We then went over to visit some of my relatives. I regaled the story about how I unloaded in my pants and how I was currently still sitting in my own shit. We had a good time there and then we finished up our day by going to Denny's for dinner. I got the pancakes with fruit and whipped cream on top. It also came with some runny eggs and undercooked bacon. I gobbled down my meal and then I even ordered an Oreo shake. It was bland and the chocolate made my stomach rumble again. My friends raced to my place to drop me off. I ran to the toilet but I felt something gushy and disgusting drop into my pants. You guessed it... I SHIT IN MY PANTS AGAIN!
We immediately went over to the prize table to see how many tickets we would need to get. As I looked up at the cool lava lamp I felt a peculiar kind of fart escaping me. I immediately knew this fart was trouble. It was the kind of fart where you almost feel something coming out and you kind of have to force whatever wants to come out back. I grimaced as I heard my stomach bubbling even more. I quickly mumbled to my friends that I had to go to the bathroom. I raced there, pushing all of the slow pokes out of my way. I kicked open the only unoccupied stall - apparently lots of people ate too much of the Benihana spicy chicken - and I looked down in dismay to find that the previous tenant had not flushed the toilet! A huge hunk of shit swimming in piss was staring right back at me! I quickly flushed the toilet and hastily put on the toilet seat cover to ensure I wouldn't pick up any diseases from this wretched seat. As soon as my ass hit the seat I heard the unmistakable sound of shit spluttering all over the place. You know what I'm talking about! It's the sound your ass makes when diarrhea shit quickly shoots out of you. That sound is just as famous as the dial-up internet annoying static noise from the mid 90s and early 2000s. I sighed in relief but as I looked down I saw to my absolute horror that their were many droplets of shit liquid in my underwear. YUCK! Apparently when I was farting earlier, shit in liquid form was escaping into my underwear. It was absolutely disgusting. I was horrified and I started to panic! I yelled "Oh Jesus! Why now on today of all days!? God Damn it!" I got another surprise when I saw that some shit had actually gotten into my pants. It was an absolute nightmare. With the little amount of toilet paper that they provided I tried to wipe myself, but the toilet paper was so thin that I got a lot of my own feces on my fingers. I threw away my underwear and washed my hands thoroughly with plenty of soap and hot water. I actually used up all of the soap that was in that particular dispenser. But I couldn't throw away my pants because I wouldn't have anything to wear, so that basically meant I was going to have to lather in my own caca for the rest of the day. I told my friends what had happened and they burst out laughing which also made me laugh. I then realized that I didn't even flush the toilet, so the next unfortunate schmoe who walked into that stall was going to get a very big surprise. We laughed out loud even more and then played some games. As I was playing that Space Invaders Game (that's all crazy and looks likes it on steroids) I felt another rumble in my stomach and I had to rush back to the bathroom. Luckily this time it all made it into the bowl. But the God Damn toilet paper was once again so thin that I got a bunch of poop on my fingers. I thoroughly washed my hands again and went back to the games. I had to shit again while playing the basketball game and while playing the game where you throw a ball into those tins with the impossibly small openings. We didn't win the prizes we were seeking and we walked away defeated and full of shit.
We then went over to visit some of my relatives. I regaled the story about how I unloaded in my pants and how I was currently still sitting in my own shit. We had a good time there and then we finished up our day by going to Denny's for dinner. I got the pancakes with fruit and whipped cream on top. It also came with some runny eggs and undercooked bacon. I gobbled down my meal and then I even ordered an Oreo shake. It was bland and the chocolate made my stomach rumble again. My friends raced to my place to drop me off. I ran to the toilet but I felt something gushy and disgusting drop into my pants. You guessed it... I SHIT IN MY PANTS AGAIN!
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