Stone Cold Steve Austin Should Be In Jail For Life

Stone Cold Steve Austin is a son of a bitch! He's a mean ornery man who is constantly pissed off over nothing. He's also a total lunatic! He's a rattlesnake who can strike anybody at any given time. He can even go off on his best friends, such as Jim Ross. His bad-temper can never really be tamed. Stone Cold is almost always in a bad mood and he takes out his frustrations by beating up other people. He loves to whip the ass of anybody who he doesn't like. Instead of being a gentleman and using his words to convey a proper message he chooses to kick the shit out of everybody. I would suggest that he go to therapy, but I doubt therapy would do any good at this point. In fact, he would probably end up giving the therapist a vicious Stone Cold Stunner and then spilling beer all over the pour soul. Did I mention that Steve Austin is a drunk? Yes, he constantly drinks beer and is basically an alcoholic. Beer is what fuels his rage. Even without beer, Stone Cold Steve Austin would still be a maniac, but with beer his anger is made 10x worse. Stone Cold Steve Austin is basically the asshole at the bar who gets drunk and then starts a fight. However, unlike the average drunk joe, Steve Austin is an incredibly fighter. Yes, I will give the devil his due - Stone Cold Steve Austin was one of the greatest fighters and wrestlers of all time. He was a multiple-time world champion and he was in the main event of WrestleMania three different times (he headlined numerous other WrestleManias). He was involved in one of the greatest matches in wrestling history vs Bret Hart at WrestleMania 13. He rose up to the very top and was at the peak of the mountain for a very long time. However, his antics and alcoholic tendencies soon caught up to him and in early 2002 he left WWE before his contract was up. He just took his ball and went home. He came back about 9 months later when he faced Eric Bischoff at No Way Out 2003. After whipping Bischoff's ass, he went on to face the Rock at WrestleMania 19. The Rock defeated Austin, and this caused Austin to go into such a alcohol infused depression that he quit being an in-ring competitor. He was soon named the co-general manager of Monday Night Raw. As you can imagine, chaos ensued from there: Bischoff tried desperately to control Austin, but Austin was just a wild animal. He did everything to makes Bischoff's life hell. The two of them ultimately couldn't co-exist, so a match at Survivor Series in 2003 was made to determine who would be the sole general manager of Monday Night Raw. They both chose five guys to represent them. Bischoff's team won the match and Austin was subsequently fired from Raw. He ended up coming back a few months later as the sheriff of Raw, but that was only short-lived. Austin's alcoholic tendencies caught up with him again and he couldn't sustain being the sheriff of Raw. Austin would only make sporadic appearances from there.

During Austin's time on top in the WWE he would constantly make Mr. McMahon's life a living hell. I always remember watching in frustration as McMahon tried to tame Austin, but Austin would never cooperate. Austin would continue to say foul language and flip off his middle finger any time he would appear on WWE TV. Even though McMahon ordered Austin to stop, it was all futile. Austin was truly a loose cannon. Whenever McMahon tried to give Austin an order, all he would receive in return was a middle finger and a devastating Stone Cold Stunner. This caused McMahon to go insane, and he would try and screw Austin at every opportunity. One time after manufacturing a scenario where Kane and the Undertaker defeated Stone Cold for the WWE Championship, the next night on Raw, just as it was being decided who was rightfully champion between the two brothers, Stone Cold showed up in a Zamboni which enabled him to bypass all of McMahon's security. He jumped off the Zamboni straight onto Mr. McMahon, and he started to viciously hit him. Just as McMahon screamed in agony, security was able to get ahold of Austin and put him in jail for the evening. When Austin first became WWE champion, he tricked McMahon that he was going to play along and be "corporate." He came out one week wearing a suit (although he forgot the Gucci shoes) and took a picture with a proud Mr. McMahon. However, Stone Cold then ripped off the suit and said that would be the last time we would ever see Stone Cold in a suit. He then chopped McMahon in the corporate grapefruits and took a picture of him as he was hunched over in pain. There was another time when Austin poured cement in Mr. McMahon's car, completely destroying it (Mick Foley was able to retrieve the keys, but the car was beyond repair). One of Stone Cold's most famous moments was when he drove a beer truck straight up to ring and poured beer straight on the Rock and the Corporation. And this is not to mention the very first time Stone Cold ever gave McMahon a Stone Cold Stunner: McMahon was trying to help Austin to not be such a nut; he was giving him words of encouragement and telling him that he needs to work within the system. All McMahon ended up receiving was a devastating Stone Cold Stunner.

It's because of all this why Stone Cold Steve Austin needs to be in jail. He beats people up for no good reason, he's an alcoholic, he dangerously drives various vehicles into WWE hosted arenas, he has caused thousands (maybe even millions) of dollars of property damage over the years. The man is really a true menace to society. He is a danger to everybody around him. You never know when the Texas Rattlesnake could strike. He needs to be locked up in a high-security ward and never be let out. In short Stone Cold Steve Austin should be in jail for the rest of his life!