Being A Food Critic

This job isn't easy! I'm forced to go to terrible restaurants very frequently. I have to eat disgusting, ill-prepared food. Where have all the good chefs gone? Have they all gone to France? Italy? Germany? Where? Is there a single restaurant that can satisfy Sherwin Stern's palate? I gag whenever I think about all the shit I've consumed! "Man was that shit!" I scream every time I am unsatisfied with my meal. I often think this - why would anybody want to be a food critic? It's not a job where the rewards are immediately apparent.  The food is almost always crap! The costumer service if often terrible! I get panned by the media for my so called "unfair reviews." I have become a hated figure for my service. I often want to quit! But then I remember I'm working the American people! Yes, in essence I'm taking one for the team. I travel from restaurant to restaurant and I test the food - which is absolute doo-doo 99% of the time. I inform my fellow citizens about the good and bad (mostly bad) about each place. I have been chosen for this very special task! I will continue to press forward and serve the United States of America. I am Sherwin Stern - the greatest food critique who ever lived!