Shakespeare Was The WORST Playwright of all Time
As a writer myself, I am absolutely outraged when people say Shakespeare was a good playwright. Shakespeare was a bum! His stories sucked! They were derivative, boring, unrealistic (and not in a good way), difficult to understand, unrelatable, cliché, and filled with dog doo! There are many people who wish they could come forward and say these things but are too afraid that they'll be discredited as idiots if they try to share their true feelings about William Shakespeare. There are many university English professors, theatre teachers and acting coaches who wish they could come out of the closet and say they hate the work of Shakespeare. Unfortunately these certain individuals have been bullied by their colleagues and peers to stay silent. In the realm of intelligentsia it's a huge cardinal sin to admit that you hate Shakespeare. College professors are always bullying their fellow staff members. Anybody who goes against the grain on university campuses is seen as a heretic. Any acting teacher who says anything bad about Shakespeare is considered an infidel! I'm proud to say that I'm braver than most men: I've taken many acting classes over the years where I proudly proclaimed that I was anti-Shakespeare (and anti-Stanislavski). My fellow acting students shunned me and I had a lot of difficulty getting scene partners. It did in fact cause me a lot of strife to tell the truth. It would've been so much easier for me personally to just pretend that I liked Shakespeare. For a while I highly considered just faking it and putting on a façade as if I really did like Shakespeare. But I always felt this burning feeling inside whenever I said good things about Shakespeare. I knew I was being fake. I knew I was selling my soul every time I gritted my teeth and praised the shit Shakespeare produced. It came to a point where it was finally too much - I had to say what needed to be said! And I did! It's because of this why I'm considered a terrible actor and a horrible student of theatre history among my peers. This is why I'll never win any acting awards or get any major roles in Broadway plays or Hollywood films. But you know me - I ain't afraid of nothing! I always tell the truth! Shakespeare was shit!
Many literature critics say the Twilight novels were terrible. What these Pharisees don't understand is that their opinions don't matter in the slightest. The Twilight novels are beloved by millions of people, and that's what makes them great and legendary. But even if, for the sake of argument, the Twilight novels were really as bad as the critics say they are, Romeo and Juliet is no better. This tragic love tale is so cheesy it makes me want to puke all over the place every time I read it. I mean seriously - what are the odds that two teenagers from families who have a blood feud with each other are going to fall in love and tragically die together (spoiler alert)? That has to be the stupidest love story I've ever heard! Even Hollywood would laugh at this dreck if this story came across their desk today. It would end up in the round file. There are dozens of crappy romantic comedies produced every year that are better than Romeo and Juliet. When I first read Romeo and Juliet I thought it was supposed to be a parody of shitty romance novels. I was shocked when I found out that this was considered the standard-bearer of love stories. The only reason why Romeo and Juliet is remembered is because academia shoves it down people's throats at a very early age. If the story of Romeo and Juliet was commercially produced and didn't have academia on its side, it would be a huge financial disaster. Nobody would buy this play. Nobody would care about this shit. Romeo and Juliet only survives in the realm of public consciousness because academia forces people to study it. Romeo and Juliet is nothing but dribble!
Hamlet is even worse. Hamlet is so long and dull, it's just amazing how an audience can sit through a whole production of it. People think just because there is a lot of violence in Hamlet, it's automatically entertaining. The violence and blood in the story masks the fact that the story has no substance whatsoever. In case you're curious, Hamlet is a story about a king with a jealous uncle who wants the throne. The envious uncle ends up killing the king, which makes the king's son Hamlet seek revenge. It actually sounds like a good premise, but Shakespeare's writing doesn't craft it properly. Shakespeare's writing just drags on and on until it's unclear three-quarters of the way through what the story is actually about.
There are so many other Shakespearian plays that I could critique, but doing that would take way too long. Instead I want to speak about the horrible Shakespearian language. You know what I mean: what's with all the "art thou" silly language in Shakespeare's plays?! Real people don't talk like that. Language like that should only be used in absurdist comedies where the stupid language helps make the silly story even funnier. That kind of language shouldn't be used in serious dramas, tragedies, and romances. Every time I hear words like "Wherefore" I laugh my ass off. I've actually been kicked out of theatres for laughing like a hyena in the middle of a Shakespeare play. The language is truly terrible. A serious play should have people talking in a real fashion. There shouldn't be any of this Shakespearian language shit!
The truth is this - Shakespeare is shit! His plays are some of the worst to ever be printed on paper. Any actor who takes part in one of his plays should be ashamed of themselves. An actor who is serious about his craft should stay far away from Shakespeare. You'll only embarrass yourself out there if you do Shakespeare. It's also a statistically proven fact that actors who star in Shakespeare productions generally don't go on to lasting success. Shakespeare has ruined many careers. One of the rare exceptions is Leonardo DiCaprio. After doing the 1996 Romeo and Juliet - which was a complete disaster - DiCaprio went on to do Titanic and countless other films that made him a critical and commercial success. Most actors aren't nearly as talented as DiCaprio, and thus can't shake off the Shakespeare curse. My advice is stay away from Shakespeare!
Many literature critics say the Twilight novels were terrible. What these Pharisees don't understand is that their opinions don't matter in the slightest. The Twilight novels are beloved by millions of people, and that's what makes them great and legendary. But even if, for the sake of argument, the Twilight novels were really as bad as the critics say they are, Romeo and Juliet is no better. This tragic love tale is so cheesy it makes me want to puke all over the place every time I read it. I mean seriously - what are the odds that two teenagers from families who have a blood feud with each other are going to fall in love and tragically die together (spoiler alert)? That has to be the stupidest love story I've ever heard! Even Hollywood would laugh at this dreck if this story came across their desk today. It would end up in the round file. There are dozens of crappy romantic comedies produced every year that are better than Romeo and Juliet. When I first read Romeo and Juliet I thought it was supposed to be a parody of shitty romance novels. I was shocked when I found out that this was considered the standard-bearer of love stories. The only reason why Romeo and Juliet is remembered is because academia shoves it down people's throats at a very early age. If the story of Romeo and Juliet was commercially produced and didn't have academia on its side, it would be a huge financial disaster. Nobody would buy this play. Nobody would care about this shit. Romeo and Juliet only survives in the realm of public consciousness because academia forces people to study it. Romeo and Juliet is nothing but dribble!
Hamlet is even worse. Hamlet is so long and dull, it's just amazing how an audience can sit through a whole production of it. People think just because there is a lot of violence in Hamlet, it's automatically entertaining. The violence and blood in the story masks the fact that the story has no substance whatsoever. In case you're curious, Hamlet is a story about a king with a jealous uncle who wants the throne. The envious uncle ends up killing the king, which makes the king's son Hamlet seek revenge. It actually sounds like a good premise, but Shakespeare's writing doesn't craft it properly. Shakespeare's writing just drags on and on until it's unclear three-quarters of the way through what the story is actually about.
There are so many other Shakespearian plays that I could critique, but doing that would take way too long. Instead I want to speak about the horrible Shakespearian language. You know what I mean: what's with all the "art thou" silly language in Shakespeare's plays?! Real people don't talk like that. Language like that should only be used in absurdist comedies where the stupid language helps make the silly story even funnier. That kind of language shouldn't be used in serious dramas, tragedies, and romances. Every time I hear words like "Wherefore" I laugh my ass off. I've actually been kicked out of theatres for laughing like a hyena in the middle of a Shakespeare play. The language is truly terrible. A serious play should have people talking in a real fashion. There shouldn't be any of this Shakespearian language shit!
The truth is this - Shakespeare is shit! His plays are some of the worst to ever be printed on paper. Any actor who takes part in one of his plays should be ashamed of themselves. An actor who is serious about his craft should stay far away from Shakespeare. You'll only embarrass yourself out there if you do Shakespeare. It's also a statistically proven fact that actors who star in Shakespeare productions generally don't go on to lasting success. Shakespeare has ruined many careers. One of the rare exceptions is Leonardo DiCaprio. After doing the 1996 Romeo and Juliet - which was a complete disaster - DiCaprio went on to do Titanic and countless other films that made him a critical and commercial success. Most actors aren't nearly as talented as DiCaprio, and thus can't shake off the Shakespeare curse. My advice is stay away from Shakespeare!
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